The Award-winning Losers of 'Slow Horses'

When my parents and I clicked play on the first episode of Slow Horses back in January, I frankly did not expect much.

We have watched a litany of spy, heist, and political thriller movies together over the course of my life, and Slow Horses appeared to be much of the same. It opens with a blond, conventionally attractive Brit on the move, a polished team on the other side of his earpiece, a bomber loose in an airport at rush hour. There were the usual mix-ups, “white shirt with blue tee or blue shirt with a white tee?”, losing track of the target in the crowd, an epic showdown and a desperate escape. Same old, same old.

Except that’s not quite how it happened.

I don’t want to spoil the explosive plot twist to the pilot episode of Slow Horses, but I can tell you that it doesn’t end well. That aforementioned chiseled blonde was sure to be a legacy of a British Secret Service hero, destined for a shining career, a fairytale ending, and a multitude of steamy hookups with women way out of his league in office buildings, laboratories, and swanky hotels across the globe. Instead, after a catastrophic series of events, River Cartwright is relegated to the absolute pits of MI5— Slough House.

“People are sent to Slough House for one of two reasons. One, they’re an absolute loser. And two, they’ve unwittingly pissed someone off.”

If you ever wondered what an intelligence agency can do with people who know too much to be let go, have done too much to be forgiven, and are too insignificant to just kill off, the answer is Slough House. Take those rejects, losers, and screwups who can’t be trusted with anything truly important anymore, corral them into a bland office building, and make them do scutwork for the rest of their lives. Seems like a perfect solution!

Except, what happens when you fill a room with dissatisfied geniuses, eccentric personalities, and hero complexes? Well, trouble finds them, of course.

*Slow Horses S5E1, Slough House interior, featuring some of the Slow Horses.*

Slow Horses is based on the book series by Mick Herron, and the author clearly delighted in creating a vocabulary of slang terms for his in-universe MI5. ‘Joes’ for agents, ‘Dogs’ for enforcers, ‘Spooks’ for spies, and so on. One thing that unites all of these characters is their disdain for the ‘Slow Horses,’ a play-on-words for those who work in the “career morgue,” Slough House.

The Slow Horses usually keep the mishap that brought them to the division to themselves, but I’ll give you a run-through of the starring lineup. A man who forgot a confidential file on the Tube. A woman who tailed the wrong man. A woman who fought her superior officer. A gambling addict. A recovering alcoholic. A legacy of the former First Desk, who ruled MI5 during the Cold War, who bungled his first major operation (and got on the bad side of the Park).

Leading them all is Jackson Lamb, a greasy, flatulent man who not only hates his job and the people working for him, but has no qualms with telling them just that. Behind the unkempt disguise he wears, however, Lamb is one of the most established career spies in MI5, with a fiercely analytic mind and a deep-seated devotion to his division.

“At least when my people fuck up, they do it on an epic scale. Yours are just run-of-the-mill fuckups. That’s much worse.”

The paradox at the heart of Slow Horses is that by virtue of being a throwaway branch, Slough House is removed from much of the backstabbing, manipulation, and smoke and mirrors that plagues MI5 management at the Park. Those at HQ are tasked at looking at the greater picture, but are distracted by constant fires and by their career aspirations. By contrast, those at Slough House are forced to look inward, doing archival work and menial tasks, and crave anything that will have an impact on the outside world.

It also means that in the end, while those at the Park are scheming about what to do, the Slow Horses are actually on the ground figuring it out, generally to the horror and outrage of all who watch.

Do they succeed? Usually!

Not without making an absolute mess of things and leaving behind a few bodies along the way, for sure.

It’s a bit unfathomable how badly they handle things most of the time, actually.

But despite it all, they always try, no matter who explicitly orders them otherwise. And in the end, the Slow Horses come through, time and time again.

“They might be losers. But they’re my losers.”

Slow Horses delves into the corruption and inner workings of MI5, and asks the question of who is really serving the people, and who really has their best intentions at heart. The series tackles issues at the heart of modern-day Britain, such as racism, xenophobia, and incel culture, and grapples with Britain’s own history as an imperial power and Cold War bastion.

Slow Horses seems doomed to drown under its weight, following the fate of other overly serious spy dramas.

With gritty, gloomy visuals, terrifying, brutal action scenes, and an eerie theme song by Mick Jagger, the show truly encapsulates the grimy, despicable nature of Slough House’s London. The violence can be horrific, gory and stomach-churning stuff, and worst of all, seem plausible. (Viewer discretion is heavily advised). But the show keeps itself afloat by a combination of fantastic editing and stellar dialogue. Dry wit, sarcasm, and pure douchebaggery come together to cover a range of reactions from “sensible chuckle” to “laugh out loud, then slap your hand over your mouth in horror,” more often than not courtesy of Jackson Lamb, played to perfection by Gary Oldman.

*Slow Horses S3, still of River Cartwright and Jackson Lamb.*

Despite lackluster advertising from Apple TV, the show continues to thrive. On October 29th, it will release the finale of its fifth season. A sixth season is already in progress of filming, and a seventh has been greenlit by Apple TV and See-Saw Films. See-Saw Films has gained acclaim for shows like Apple Cider Vinegar, Sweetpea, and the Netflix adaptation of Alice Oseman’s graphic novel series Heartstopper. (Do not expect Heartstopper vibes here, though.) The show had won accolades for writing, directing, and acting, most notably several Primetime Emmy Awards, and been nominated for countless more.

If you’re looking for your next political thriller/workplace comedy, you’ve found it. But don’t expect this to be background noise while you scroll on your phone. The Slow Horses are a ten-car pileup in slow motion, and believe me, once you start you can’t look away from the flames.